Well, it's almost official. We bought a house! Finally. We signed the papers last week and tomorrow is our home inspection. One last thing to get through before we are sure it is ours. Just as I expected, purchasing a home has brought up a ton of emotions. Unfortunately, mostly anger. I feel anger towards the whole experience because Sawyer will not be moving into our house with us as we had planned for so long. The room that should be his sits nameless as of now. I feel anger towards myself because I still have an underlying guilt thinking that Sawyer passed because we moved. I can't help but think that as we have no other answers.
I have been trying to think positive and feel excited about finally owning a home again after living with our in laws for nearly six months. I am also very nervous to be on my own again in a home. Owning a home comes with so much responsibility and living with my in laws since Sawyer died has been a blessing to our family. They have helped us out so much with daily tasks such as preparing meals and grocery shopping. I seriously feel like I will need to re learn how to do all of my 'wifely' duties once we move in to our home. The past few months I have been living in a bubble with low responsibilities. It will be an adjustment for sure.
One other massive hurdle to get through is the renos. Why not add a little more craziness into our lives, right? The house we purchased is a full top to bottom gut job! This was our compromise to get in to our desired area. We totally scored on the price which allows us to put the money we need to into it. We are hoping we are being realistic with our budget. The house we bought is 2 minutes from my husbands parents. We will continue to live here while the reno's are going on. Another blessing!
I will finally have my house to make a home with all of the pickings of my choice. I wish more than anything that I could have Sawyer there too. I will be happy to finally hang memories of him in our home. I know he will be there with us in some way, just not the way any of us want. I had a thought to make the room that would have been Sawyer's into a yoga room. A peaceful place to reflect and to collect our thoughts. This room faces a beautiful view of the escarpment. One day this room may be a nursery for our third child, but until then it will remain his.
Fingers crossed for inspection day tomorrow!
Changes, like moving, amidst such a massive loss can be so daunting, with so many conflicting emotions. I am very happy you will have what sounds like your forever home, but so sad for you that Sawyer is not physically here to inhabit it. It will be good to get those photos and memories of Sawyer up, permanently, on the walls.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Gretchen. It will be an emotional few months I am sure! I will be happy to be finally settled. Hope you are well.
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