Six months ago yesterday I woke up to no movement. Six months ago today, Sawyer was born silently. The heartache our family has gone through is so deep, if you have not experienced this type of loss, there is no way for you to capture the pain, even for a second. Six months ago I never could have imagined still standing after losing Sawyer. I have come so far in my healing. The heartache comes in waves now, sometimes striking when I least expect it. Today I expected it and my grief did not disappoint. I first checked the clock at 7:37am, the time Sawyer came into this world. I logged on to facebook to see if I had any messages only to see my feed is full of happy birthdays and anniversaries. It is also St. Patrick's Day. I was asked today, "Hey, where's your green?", and that made it all that much harder. How can you remember St. Patrick's day and not that I lost my baby six months ago today? It's the seventeenth, doesn't everyone know? I know I sound ridiculous. It's not his 'birthday', but six months without my baby is a big deal.
Sawyer, we miss you more than words can describe. We think about you and talk about you all the time. I finally was brave enough to develop your pictures and put them in an album. We showed your sister your pictures and she wouldn't put them down. She thinks you are really cute! We are so proud of you baby and you have changed our lives for the better. We will do good by you, I promise. Because of you a lot of kindness will be spread.
I love you, Sawyer <3
