I can hardly believe that I am typing one year. I cannot believe it. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago, and in some ways if feels like yesterday. It's really a hard concept to explain, unless you have personally gone through this. September has hit like a ton of bricks. Just seeing the date alone on my phone in the am gave me chills. Just as I have all summer and most of this year, I keep thinking what I was doing at this time last year. I was happy. I didn't know this. I remember so much of last September. We had just moved and I was gearing up to start a whopping four days of work. I knew that I would only work the first week of school because I was feeling so exhausted. I wanted to begin the year because I had been transferred to a new school. I thought that it would make my transition into my new room this school year easier. Well, that backfired didn't it. I remember my last day of work was my best friends birthday, September 5th. We went to the Keg for dinner and it was a double celebration. I was beginning my leave and it was my friends 30th. I often think back to how happy and clueless I was. Just two short weeks later my world would end.
I have also been reflecting on how far I have come. I truly am a different person since losing Sawyer. I have met so many amazing ladies on this journey with me. I am so grateful to call them some of my closest friends. We have so many wonderful ideas circling around us about how to help other families who go through the loss of a baby. There are some BIG things on the horizon, I can feel it! I am sure there will be more to come about that later.
I have been busy planning Sawyers first birthday. We have decided to have a birthday and memorial for all of our closest friends and family. When we lost Sawyer I was emotionally and physically unable to attend a funeral for him. We have always said since lying in the hospital bed, that we would have a big celebration in his honour on his first birthday. We are going to release blue balloons and send lanterns up to heaven. I hope Sawyer is watching from above, smiling.
