What I Need

My friends - I need you. My family - I need you. I need you more than ever. Please come back. Please don't forget about me. Please don't forget about Sawyer.

It has been 11 weeks since we lost Sawyer. 11 weeks of unbearable pain, heartache and sadness. 11 weeks of a crushed future.

At this time, I have never felt so alone. In the beginning I pushed everyone away. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing anyone. The grief was so raw, it consumed me. I was sad, embarrassed, destroyed. I was lost and I did not want anyone to find me. 

Please find me. I am ready, and now your gone. The rawness has eased and I am able to carry on a conversation without breaking down - but everyone has disappeared. The calls have stopped, the cards have stopped, the text messages have stopped.

It has only been 11 weeks since our lives were forever changed. 11 weeks after 30 whole years of happiness. Surly you understand that I am not better after only 11 weeks.

I am incredibly saddened by the friend and family freeze. Where did you all go? I know before all of this life was busy and we were all consumed with our children, but can you please stop and think of us every now and again and let me know by some form of communication? I know this probably sounds selfish - but is what I need. A week to you may fly by, but to me it feels like a month. Every day I wake, wishing it were bedtime. Please check on me. I know it sounds childish, but again, it's what I need.

Not hearing from you makes me feel even more isolated than I already feel after losing Sawyer.

Please find me. It's what I need.